Emptiness
by TheWildOne1
Summary: Clarke gets her heartbroken after seeing Bellamy and Raven together and it sends her on a dark and twisted path.


That moment that Raven stepped out of Bellamy's tent wearing his shirt was the exact second that Clarke's heart died inside of her.

It took her by surprise, this heartache at the loss of a man she didn't even know she craved.

This feeling inside her was worse than when she had to watch Finn kissing Raven the morning after they'd been together.

This was like her insides were being scooped out, and a part of her wanted to just die with the pain of it.

One by one, she had lost the people she cared for until no one remained. No more parents or friends. Finn had chosen Raven over her and even if it hadn't worked out, he had still made his choice. And now, the one person she thought she could count on...

No.

No more self-pity or sorrow.

No more emotions at all.

Not if she wanted to survive.

Bellamy was right; who she needed to be to survive was very different from the person she had been.

She felt herself grow cold and unfeeling as seconds passed into minutes. Clarke turned off her feelings one by one until there was nothing left but emptiness.

* * *

The next day went by in a blur, Clarke going on autopilot as she worked. When someone tried to speak to her, she responded in one word answers if she bothered to at all.

There was a point when Bellamy came to see her and for a second, it felt like her heart was breaking all over again when he stepped through the door.

Clarke willed herself to be like a stone, cold and unmoving.

"Hey Princess, a few of us are going out to the stream for more water. Did you want to come along and get some of your plants?"

She shook her head and went back to her task.

Bellamy hesitated, as if sensing that something was off with her. He walked over to her and she felt his hand hovering over her shoulder, but made no move towards him.

"Everything okay Clarke?"

The tears were threatening to choke her but she held back. Clarke would not show weakness, she would be strong.

"Yes. I'm fine." her voice sounded robotic, no inflection to give away her true feelings.

"You can tell me if something is wrong. You know that right?" his voice was gently and it was all Clarke could do to not pour everything out.

She wavered when she caught the intense look in his eyes as he watched her. At moment, it would be all to easy to confess everything to him. To tell him how she felt about him.

Then Raven walked in the door, smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

Clarke had to close her eyes when she saw Bellamy share a smile with Raven, as if they had a secret that no one else knew.

There would be no more talks with Bellamy.

It didn't matter if he and Raven were an item or not anymore.

She was done with caring.

* * *

Weeks passed and Clarke moved through the days like a zombie.

She heard the whispers and rumors but ignored them all. It wasn't a defensive mechanism, she simply didn't care.

Clarke just didn't care about anything anymore.

There was a day that she was accidentally cut on her arm and she felt no pain. She just stood there and stared as her arm dripped red blood which pooled onto the floor.

It was almost mesmerizing to watch as it slid down around her hand, taking different paths to reach the same destination.

If Clarke still experienced humor then she might have laughed, but that emotion had been scrubbed away a long time ago.

She might have bleed to death for how long she stared until Octavia came in and screamed at the amount of blood that had fallen.

People came running in from various directions but Clarke paid them no heed, content to continue watching the splashes of her blood.

Drip, drip. Splash.

Someone was shaking her and she turned to see Bellamy looking at her with a scared expression.

"Clarke! What happened?"

She tilted her head and just watched him, wondering why he had that look on his face.

"Come on Princess, answer me!"

There was no response. There never was.

* * *

A month passed and nothing had changed.

Her friends had tried to spark her interest in several different ways but it was pointless.

Finn provided her with materials to draw but she had no passion left in her.

Monty tried to get her interested in searching for specific plants out in the forest but she felt no need to leave her clinic.

Jasper told her various stories of events that had happened while she holed herself up but she barely listened.

Raven tried to get her help on various inventions and yet, but she felt no interest at all. She couldn't even draw up anger or dislike for the girl anymore.

Several people had tried to express their concerns and get her to talk but after getting only blank looks in response, they eventually stopped trying.

Bellamy was the most stubborn of them all. He tried yelling at her, arguing with, and just being plain mean to her.

Nothing worked.

* * *

Clarke eventually stopped counting time as its passing didn't affect her anymore.

Bellamy never stopped trying to get her back to the way she had been. He didn't know what had turned her into this empty shell but he was determined to fix it.

He took her on walks through the woods now that peace had been achieved with the Grounders and it was safe again in certain areas. There was still conflicts with the Mountain Men but they were few and far between with the alliance in place.

It was a cold fall day when he took her on the most recent stroll.

Bellamy tried talking to her but when only one person participates, conversations end fairly quickly.

They weren't far from camp with suddenly an arrow appeared out of nowhere and landed at a few feet away from her. She stared at it, vaguely wondering where it had come from.

A Mountain Man came out from behind the trees and rushed towards them with a spear poised to throw. Bellamy tried to pull his gun but Clarke knew he wouldn't be fast enough. She watched in slow motion as the spear was released, and it flew through the air towards its intended target.

At the last second, she threw herself in the way and felt the spear slide through her body.

In that moment, she knew that she hadn't been able to completely erase all her emotions. One had just been buried for so long that she had forgotten it still existed.

She didn't see what happened next but a gunshot rang out and Bellamy dropped to his knees beside her.

There were tears rolling down his cheeks and Clarke tried to raise her hand to wipe them away but it was too heavy. Her entire body felt so heavy and tired.

"Princess, why did you do that? Why?"

She smiled at him and he blinked in surprise. It was the first sign of emotion he'd seen from her in a long time.

Clarke wished she could go back in time to correct her mistakes. To admit her feelings for this man and have fought for him. Fought before she had lost him and in turn, lost herself.

"Because I love you Bellamy. I always have."

She wanted to say more but there was breath in left in her to give.

Clarke felt her eyes close against her will and struggled against it. She could feel the ghost of Bellamy's lips against her lips before he started to hum.

It was the song she had hummed for Atom when she had helped to ease his suffering.

It gave her the peace she needed to finally let go and then there truly was no more.


End file.
